The Robbery
I
hid under my bed. I slowed my
breathing. I closed my eyes and
waited. They walked into my room. They threw my mauve bedsheet to the
floor. I saw their feet walk towards the
door. I thought they had left, I was wrong.
Someone grabbed my ankles, and I screamed. I grabbed the steel bedpost and
kicked. But it was no use. He grabbed me and threw me to the floor. My eyes were tearful as he tied me
up. His sweater was the color of carrots
I noted. I heard a yell. Someone else was here. It was the police.
Such a suspenseful story. Maybe in this sentence, 'I thought they left, I was wrong.' You should say, 'I thought they had left, I was wrong.' And when you wrote, 'But it was not use.' It should have been, 'But it was no use.' That was all the mistakes I found.
ReplyDeleteThanks Annabeth
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