The Sunset
The beautiful sunset was glowing. The sun was setting and I wanted to take a
picture with my camera. I pulled the
camera out of my brown leather bag. The
sunset was quickly disappearing. I had
to hurry. I started to become worried
that the sun would disappear before I got to take the picture. The camera was malfunctioning, and the sun
was almost fully behind the mountain. I
finally managed to get the camera from the bag.
But the sun was just barely peeking out from the mountain. It was hard to get the perfect angle. The sun disappeared from my view. I missed the chance.
Maybe instead of, I wanted to take a picture with my camera. You could change it to, I wanted to preserve that scene forever with my camera. Instead of putting camera in the next sentence you could change it to 'it'.
ReplyDeleteI finally managed to get the camera from the bag. Change it to, I finally managed to pull the camera from my bag. And maybe instead of I missed the chance, it could be, I missed my chance.